It is the last day of June!
Can you believe the months are just flying by? We’re halfway done with 2016! So much can happen in just 6 months. But… not for me. These 6 months were full of stress, anxiety, depression, and me fighting through it.
I am making it though! Soon I’ll be working. Keeping myself busy and being able to continue my hobbies! Unemployment may sound fun and relaxing, but if you’re in it too long you start to become anxious and don’t have any money to splurge on hobbies, food, and going out with friends. I went through a quarter life crisis.
Recently, I was going through my old blogs. I had so many problems and thought my world was a disaster when things didn’t work out my way. Now I read it and think to myself “pffftt.. that ain’t shit.” I overcame it so easily and forgot about it. That’s how big the problem was. I have never felt more like an adult after reading my journal entries from 17-23 year old Meliza. I have such more experience and wisdom now..
But one thing always remained the same in my 7 years worth of LJ posts… I never knew what I was passionate about. I always had so many goals, but I never knew what I really wanted to do in life. To this day, I still ask myself “What do I want to be when I grow up?” I can’t make life decisions.
One thing I somewhat regret in my life is… college. I should have never gone so blindly. I refused to go to a community college. I thought I was too good for it because I was a honor roll student. So I went to a state college as an undeclared major. Then declared Comsci. I hated it, transferred out and decided on International Business. I regret college because I wasn’t motivated going into it, I only focused on school, gave up hobbies, and now owe so much debt. Some reasons I don’t regret it is that I have a diploma and Japan of course.
At one point of reading my blogs, I felt like I regretted dating my ex and that I never got the chance to date around during my college days. But you can never feel that way! I have good memories and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without that person.
Anyway, point is. I feel unaccomplished. I always felt like I can do so much more with my life, but I don’t take the chances. I also feel like I’m getting old which is untrue. 24 isn’t so old. I’ll be 30 soon and wish I did so much more at 24 rather than complain how old I am.
I came into realization that I’m in my experimenting stage of my life. Most people experience this stage in high school and college, but I started this phase right after college. After I no longer had to work full-time and attend school full-time, I had time for myself and so I started to pick up hobbies such as photography and vlogging. I even dyed my hair PINK! Hahaha and currently have a septum piercing.
I don’t know.. Unemployment really got the best of me. I got beat down by all those rejection emails and started to question if college was worth it. I couldn’t even get a receptionist position because I didn’t have 2-3 years experience! All you freakin’ do is greet customers, answer phones, and office management. -__-‘ Being completely broke also made me feel useless, but I kept my head up and something came along. FINALLY.
Even though I’ll never know the purpose of my life on this Earth, I’ll try to make my life worth living. I’ll make it fun for myself and work towards finding out who I am.
Here’s to this opportunity and the second half of 2016! FIGHTING!